A late-night phone call and a chat of life begins.
Shinedown plays like a whisper ever so softly the song “Breaking Inside.” slowly fills the room with the uncertainty of life. A call from a child, my child a daughter with questions of life and whys’ my life, her life, a family’s life.
“Hey dad, I had a rough night with mom tonight.”
“Welcome to eighteen, wanna chat about it?”
Mom screamed at me YOU ARE YOUR DAMM FATHERS CHILD!”
I wonder why she thinks that. Tell me a bit about yourself and let us see how you are your father’s child.
Quietly the sweet voice of my child began to figure it all out.
I love to dance
I make up all my own moves and hope to dance with you on your wedding day. I have danced at Harpers Ferry with a prima ballerina. I saw dance that night.
I love all kinds of art
I have some of the most beautiful art I have ever seen.
I can feel my daughter’s tears falling so many miles away slowly crashing into my soul.
I feel like I am breaking inside. Her voice cracks a bit. I feel my child steady herself. Yes, you are my child I am so proud of you at this moment taking a deep breath this magic child of mine continued.
I love all sports and try to win every game
I also, love all sports but I win every game.
I love music
Music is my oldest friend I call him Joe Green.
I love the theater
The theater is magic to me, and I have been attending the magic since 1973 I saw Jesus Christ Superstar been hooked on the theater ever since and have seen the magic of the stage countless times over the last forty-years.
I love to write.
I am just smiling right now.
I don't want to live
to waste another day
underneath the shadow of mistakes, I made
Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside
I am going to Harvard next year
“Well brains skipped a generation this time thankfully you have your grandfather’s smarts and not mine.”
Mom says I am stubborn, a risk taker.
I tend to think I am right most of the time. I so love you daughter of mine. I fly helicopters and have jumped off the Hingham Bridge in my crazy youth.
I want to change the world one day.
I have changed the world.
A soft smile begins to weave its way through the countless miles between us. In addition, yes we both have a wicked sense of humor. Or at least funny to us.
To my lost flowers, I knew these questions would come one-day after so many years of not knowing about one of the two most important people in your life. (At least we should have been). I have just three copies of this book one for each of my three precious gifts my children. Paul, Devlin, and Gabrielle
Out here, nothings clear
Except the moment I decided to move on, and I ignited
Disappear into the fear
You know there ain't no comin' back
When you're still carrying the past
You can't erase, separate
Cigarette in my hand
Hope you all understand
Pettiness, hatred and lies are never a good excuse not to keep the promise of parenthood of such special treasures we call children. In addition, when one uses these three things and a corrupt system the out-come is ~ Lost Flowers.
I Feel like I am breaking inside ~ trace